So, now what?…
If you ever find yourself wondering if the universe is just pranking you, and this apparent continual crisis called life — is just another bad dream that feels painfully real. It is time to make changes. After the harsh kick in the gut that much of 2016 was, I was left wondering that a little too often.
2016 was the tenth anniversary of my mothers death (Rest In Power&Peace). The deaths of Prince in April and the G. O. A. T. Muhammad Ali in June (Rest In Power&Peace). Then followed a truly disastrous, first time to London visit by my Nigerian Aunty in September (for clarity, I am Nigerian by way of dirty South London born and bred, #AfroBrit).
My Aunty had failed to manage her expectations of her ‘westernised’ kin. Our apparent lack of the cultural mentality and behaviours that she is accustomed to — disturbed her. She shunned us by day 3, then left a few days later without speaking to us. Since then, I’ve managed my expectations of any healthy relationship with my Aunty going forward. It’s fair to say, they are incredibly low.
Also, I was feeling stuck in a job that I had despised for the past fourteen years. Staying out of an obligation to feed, clothe and generally keep alive myself and my two boys (aka my heartbeats, *swoons*).
After Trumps election, I concluded 2016 was a bit of a bastard — and I was more than ready for our break up.
As the clock ticked past midnight on December 31st, I thought to myself ‘let’s go 2017, do try not to be a bitch’.
February 9th, my beloved Grandma died (Rest In Power&Peace).
I thought about her life, she was in her nineties and had outlived her husband and four of her five children.
I thought about my mother, she was 58 and had outlived her husband (my father died in 1998), her father and her youngest brother.
I thought about my life, I am 41, a single mother of two and an adult orphan.
When I returned to my soul draining job, I thought — so, now what?!…
“Do I want to get what everyone else is getting, or do I want something different?”- Dr Boyce Watkins
It was time. Once and for all it was time to reclaim my authentic soul power, time to live much more fully and not just survive. I was ready to heed to the Universes whispers and stretch myself, get uncomfortable in the process and embrace the wilderness of evolving.
Several weeks later, I booked a week long holiday to Dubai for the October half term, for myself and my boys. Summertime in late July, I finally hand in my resignation after fourteen and a half years.
Just a few days later, something peculiar happened.
Whilst I was sat parked in my car, across the road from my home. A lady approached me and said:
“The Universe wants me to let you know that your ability to dream will return to you.” — a random lady whom I had never seen before
I thought to myself, ‘okay,… what just happened?’ I knew i wasn’t dreaming, but in that moment; it felt like i had been transported into the film Field of Dreams. I was shook.
Had the universe just sent me an angel to assure me I had done the right thing?
August 27th 2017, was the day I walked off the corporate plantation for the last time.
“Freedom is mine, you know how I feel… it’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, it’s a new life for me… and I’m feeling good.” — Nina Simone (Feeling Good)