Gosh, us humans love projecting our bullshit!
I guess it’s way less painful to call out the flaws of others than it is to hold up a mirror to our own. Let’s face it, pain is a necessary part of evolving — but that doesn’t mean we have to like it.
Trying to navigate adulthood in a super judgemental world, is exhausting. Affairs of the heart tend to magnify the difficulty level, at least to the power of ten in my experience. Why do things become more difficult when in love? Well, when somewhere along the line, you started catching loving feelings for that somebody — the stakes got higher. Now EVERYTHING, seems to matter like never before. Our pain receptors are all exposed ready to be toyed with by said pain, it’s an emotional takeover. Vulnerability, has the floor.
It’s been said to me more than once ‘you are difficult to love’. Ouch. Tough to take at the time, really hard to hear that. But now, I see this type of projection as an act of rebellion against the feeling of being incapable, inadequate, vulnerable. This is not me saying I am not flawed (as per my bio, i’m beautifully flawed), it’s just me trying to look at situations like this from a place of understanding and mindfulness. I’m no ‘love guru’, but i’m slowly learning to recognise vulnerability in all its guises including anger and projection, and respond from a mindful state. Not an easy task, I blow it ALL the time, but i’m a willing student.
When I feel vulnerable, I feel overwhelmed and act in accordance to fear. This means paws up, walls go up, self defence, offence, more anger and projection of said fear onto the other person. If they do the same, well, it’s a shit storm.
I know the Universe wants us to experience less shit storms, and has instead tasked us to experience more authentic love.
your student is ready, i’m taking notes.